What is family mean to you

The other day when I was talking to one friend, I did mentioned about my worries on who is going take care of my body when I am dead? How??

Since my family is way too distance from me.

Its not that I am not good with them, I just got so carried away with my career and totally don't know how to pick up from where I left.

I am totally feel embarassed on my attitude towards maintain good relationship with them. As much as my PR skill is 'sucks' towards people around me same goes towards my 'so called' family too!

I am that bad ha???

Yeah! I don't deny!

I am concern about my feeling too much until I am afraid to show my affection towards others. I just afraid to get hurt and to get turn down.I don't like disappointment. This is also affected my personal relationship as well. I am too afraid for rejection or disagreement. or maybe feel unhappy with me or anything that make people judge me.

I wish to have close knit family like other people.

Sisters or brothers who are close to you and always be there when happy or down time. You have 1st person to call when you have good news to share. You have somebody to call when you suddenly got fever or food poisoning.

It is very sad case if you have 'so called' family when they come look for you when they are in trouble and totally forgotten about your existense when they are happy or good life.

Actually what is family mean???

Seriously until now don't really know what does it mean.

I don't know how does it feel to have family around.

Maybe too long staying outside from family circle makes me forgotten the feeling.

However, I am trying my best to be good family member although deep down in my heart , I don't feel belongs.

Maybe , its me all the while who keep the distance away?

I will try my best to pick from where I left... how should I start??